This is just a collection of my (the richard dawKING) thoughts. TWiTTeR can suck my arse
When you squat down to sit there comes a point of no return where your muscles shan't be able to stand you back up should they wish, a beautiful moment when your arse is fully at the mercy of the seat below, from which awaits either tragedy or the joy of the two embracing once more.
I have been smoking "wheed" and what followed was "a journey of self discovery". As I eat my evening loaf I would like to share with you my findings as of yet: My name is Rich "Hard Door" Kins. I don't do wasps. I don't do spiders. I don't do a glass of sherry (of course what I mean by that is when it comes to sherry one glass is never enough!). Proud DogMum.
my advice to aspiring millionaires: get a side rustle. invest in stocks (beef chicken the list goes on HAHAHAHAHA no but seriously buy shares in DOW JONES). be unpredictable. shit yourself just for a laugh. cack on tap. self service poo. on request. also their doing Pork in Braille now or something so get on that
back when i was just starting out with all this seiance malark I didnt have a pot to piss in. Now look at us... three in each room... youve made it, rich....
enjoying a plate of dogMutton on the Pond Heath, imbibing a milk on the rocks.... heaven. Then I awoke; alas, life is never perfect
costco wholesale more like costCOWHOLESale am I right? am I Right Though?! ???!!!
I am proud to announce that all guests to my home will now be able to request toilet-tissue
just eating my groceries
the foodDiaries part II: eating pork&maggot brownie
i have come to realize that Staff are the BackBone of the British WorkForce
I flush with pride. I flush with dignity.
phil collins is bringing out his own range of scones exclusive to Tesco's you heard it hear first
THE MAN WHO WALKS AROUND IN CLEAN CLOTHES DOES NOTHING
the foodDiaries part I: eating cake and Water
GOD gave us 2 nostrils and 10 toes for 3 reasons
Reading the biBLe: Give a man a fish and he eats for a lifetime; that is $traight bollox
"Margaret Thatcher: Origins" is one of the finest films I have seen on british television
birminghamme: I was initially skeptical of pay toilets but after trying it for myself i remarked "20p for a shit not bad" in conclusion to a pisser-by
feburary 2021: DA BEE-GEES AINT DEAD, OH NO
monday evening 26th July: going to the local bogs, a smell that cannot be mistaken
Saturday Night: Watching "University Challenge" on YouTube!
PUTN ON ME JOGGERS GETN READY FOR TNITES PERMITTED EXERCISE. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MR JOHNHSON FOR THIS GREAT HONOUR
2 tea, 2 sugars, 8 milks. Don't ask, that's just me...
FRIDAY NIGHT ANOUNCEMENT: pooParty at my place, B.Y.O.B (bring your own bog-roll)
swine is the best meat because it is the 'swinest' of all meats
20th of Decemba: I am rediscovering the Joys of sitting; oh, the feeling of bare arse on bare cloth!
DECEMBER the 10th of Britain: THE CHRISTMAS CARDS OF THAT I HAVE SENT THIS YEAR HAVE BEEN IN REMARKABLY FINE TASTE
THE 7th: took a shit, now it's all over the blummin news
November 2018: Time for a wash... in Norfolk
OCTOBER 23rd: washing my ass hole in the sink (the bathroom washbasin). A tough job but you simply cannot get this level of freshness any other way
OctoBER 13th (THE REAL HALLOWE'EN):: going for morning craps
St Ignacius' day 2017: doing graffti on my own toilet paper (shit 'n' shine)
The 7th: SURPRISED MISSUS DAWKINGS AS I PLONKED ME BARE ARSE UNDER THE MISTLETOW
December the £rd: Thinking of live streaming tea tasting. "Tea Break TV". I happen to know a fair bit on Breakfast teas. their robustness is just the thing to Wash Down the fats and Oils that accumulate in ones gob after a good full english (LEARNED THIS OF YOUTUBE HOPEFULLY THE TWININGS AMBASSADOR IS CORRECT OR I LOOK A BIT OF A PLONKA")
feeding my dogs straight from the can. this works.
MayDay 2010: "Poosandwich"; My response: "this shit is straight ass!"
just took a crap as I heard Boris Johnson condemn the coronavirus over the radio today, now i am feeling our nation's pride
"get your knob out for the lads"? well if I must...
2005 The golden age of the internet: why can't i buy buns from Amazon
Banning fresh sherry from the golf coarse is like banning THE Sweet froth on a good cuppa (its bloody ridiculous!)
2001 thereabouts: where on earth is it possible to buy tinned beer. YOU WOULD THINK they would sell it in some kind of brine perhaps.
New years eve: RIP MIGUEL PROUST
New years eve eve: RIP D BOON. NEW PANTS NNEW DAY
Tuesday December the 29th: i'm pregnant
Yuletide 1999: Blasting ABBA in the speakers with a glass of scotch, other world
AUgust the 4th 1980: Tried mens beer for the first time; its some bloody good stuff. then gulped my pint of john west, what a night!